


Goodbye, Kieren

by Pastel_Teacups



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-07 12:36:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3173926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pastel_Teacups/pseuds/Pastel_Teacups
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gary never comes, and Simon has to take care of the First Risen on his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Simon doesn’t want this. 

Simon _really_ doesn’t want this. 

But, as he sits hidden just outside the Walker residence, he knows he has to. 

_It’s for the greater good, _a voice tells him, and he both detests the voice and knows it’s right.__

__So he circles the house so the guard up from doesn’t see him and comes in through the back, trying the door and finding it, surprisingly, unlocked._ _

__If Simon’s heart could beat, it would be racing._ _

__He climbs the stairs unsteadily, not entirely sure where Kieren’s room is. He hadn’t had time to think about figuring it out before he came._ _

__The first room he tries is a bathroom. It’s fairly plain, save a towel over the mirror, and Simon wonders why Kieren can’t look at himself when he’s as beautiful as he is._ _

__The second room he tries isn’t empty, and his heart drops and his stomach turns and he isn’t sure how to breathe._ _

__“Simon?” That voice says, and the guilt already weighing in his chest only gets heavier._ _

__Kieren looks up at him with innocent, worried eyes, and Simon gives a shuddered breath he didn’t know he was holding._ _

__He’s alright._ _

__The thought both consoles him and terrifies him._ _

__He has to do something. Say something. But what can be said?_ _

__“Hey, I’m here,” he says, but all he wants is to tell Kieren to run._ _

__The younger’s face softens into an almost-smile, and he pats the piece of cover on the bed next to him. “Hey.” He says, and even his _voice_ is beautiful. “Sit down. How’d you get in?” _ _

__

__Though he doesn’t want to he slowly seats himself beside Kieren, who watches him expectantly._ _

__“Just snuck in ‘round the back.” He mumbles. He can’t do this. He isn’t strong enough._ _

__The knife in his pocket weighs him down almost as much as the guilt._ _

__“Oh,” Kieren murmurs, before moving to lean his head against Simon’s shoulder. “Well, I’m glad you’re here.”_ _

__It’s not noon just yet. Simon has time._ _

__“Kieren,” he whispers gently, finding the younger’s hand among the sheets and gripping it tightly. “I-”_ _

__“Don’t.” Kieren says quickly and firmly, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “About leaving. It’s alright.”_ _

__Simon’s heart aches. He hates it._ _

__“I mean,” he shifts, looks into Simon’s eyes. “I want to know where you went. But for now it’s okay. I get it.”_ _

__Kieren gets him. It only makes Simon feel worse, but he smiles falsely anyways._ _

__“Thank you,” he whispers almost inaudibly, looking to the glowing digital clock sitting on Kieren’s bedside table._ _

__Eleven fifty-seven._ _

__He’s running out of time._ _

__He reaches into the breast pocket of his suit jacket with his free hand and closes it around the knife’s handle._ _

__He can’t do this._ _

__Kieren leans his head against his chest, momentarily blinded by Simon’s shirt. He takes the moment to wrap his arm around Kieren’s shoulders, his hand gripping the knife tightly in his hands. Kieren can’t see it, but it’s dangerously close to his head._ _

__Simon can’t do this._ _

__But he has to._ _

__His hand shakes._ _

__“Kieren?” He murmurs softly, feeling only the vague pressure of the younger’s head against his chest. He wishes he could feel more._ _

__The soft pressure shifts, and Kieren looks up at Simon’s face. “Yeah?”_ _

__Simon, for the first time in his second life, wishes he’d never Risen at all. “I-I’m sorry.”_ _

__Kieren looks up at him, eyebrows knit, and Simon can’t look back at him._ _

__Behind him, the clock moves from eleven fifty-nine to twelve._ _

__The knife moves on its own._ _

__Kieren slumps against him._ _

__A tiny part of Simon goes along with him._ _

___Goodbye, Kieren,_ and he lets go._ _


	2. Chapter 2

_”I balanced all, brought all to mind,”_

Simon can’t remember the last time he hated himself more. 

It didn’t work. There is no Second Rising. Kieren wasn’t the First. It had all been for nothing. 

_”The years to come seemed waste of breath,”_

There isn’t a point anymore. Amy was killed by a woman with chaotic beliefs, Kieren by a different person with a very similar story. 

There’s nothing left for Simon in Roarton, so he leaves. 

_“A waste of breath the years behind,”_

He goes back to where it all started. 

He goes back to the safe house in the city and buries himself in the ULA, using hopeful ideas to seal his tomb. 

Nothing works, though. He only thinks of Kieren. 

_“In balance with this life, this death.”_

Simon isn’t offered suicide jobs, having been marked too important by the Undead Prophet’s stamp, but he’s still given the small blue bottle of pills. 

_Just in case,_ a man says when he hands it to Simon. Another to replace the last one that’d fallen into the wrong hands. 

And while he knows he shouldn’t, that this isn’t the proper way out, he takes a hit of the blue powder somewhere public and lets it cloud his mind. 

Goodbye, Kieren, and he lets go again.


End file.
